I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
