So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
