We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
