Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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