I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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