All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
