I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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