My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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