chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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