Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
