Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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