i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
