I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
