The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
