Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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