we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
