my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
