MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
