Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
