for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
