I'm drive I can fine osifer
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
