Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
