i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
