Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
