Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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