Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i believe in u and ur pee
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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