having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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