don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
