I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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