oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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