Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
