I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
