I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
