making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
