Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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