i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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