i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize