God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
