Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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