The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
