if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?