Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
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I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN