We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
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I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
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Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.