Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
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guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.