I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.