I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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