Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
