youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
