So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
