i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
