Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
