There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
there is another microwave in the elevator.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
