i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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