Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
