dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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