Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
