I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize