I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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