Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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