i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
they need to just BURY HIM!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
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Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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