I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
