I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
