singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
