I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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