Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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