Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
