i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
