Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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