On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
