I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
