please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
