WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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