Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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