I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
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he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
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Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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