Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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