She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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