The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
