hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
