so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
