mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
