Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
