could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
high people should be assigned attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize