i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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