She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
