I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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