Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
